StoryCorps 453: Do-Over

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Michael Garofalo (MG): It’s the StoryCorps podcast from NPR. I’m Michael Garofalo.

We’re calling this first episode of the new year ”Do-Over,” stories from people who have started again, turned the page, or wiped the slate clean.

We’ll hear about changing careers.  

Len Berk (LB): I sent the owner an email listing ten credentials. I’ve been one of your best customers, I’ve always been a fish person.

Josh Gubitz (JG): You actually listed these as credentials?

LB: Yeah.

MG: A couple who have had to go back to square over and over again.

Penny Ingram (PI): We talked on the phone. I said, ”Hi, I’m Penny–your fiancée.” You asked, ”Did we have kids? What was your life like?”

MG: And, a conversation between people who had to start over as a matter of life and death.

Dawn Maestas (DM): He had a sawed-off shotgun in the top of the closet. So I thought, I’m going to take the shells out, just in case.

MG: These are stories that will make your New Year’s resolutions seem easy… coming up after this short break.

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Michael Garofalo (MG): Welcome back. Let’s start with a meditation on work… and on lox. Lox, you know, the salmon that you eat on bagels. Len Berk, he’s 85, a New Yorker, and he loves lox. He works as a salmon slicer at Zabar’s, which is a gourmet grocery store in Manhattan. But, Len had a life before lox. For almost 40 years, he was an accountant.

Len Berk (LB): I never loved it, but accounting provided a decent living, and, after I retired, I looked for something to do next. I got a telephone call from a friend of mine who said that she saw an advertisement that a large gourmet food store was looking for a lox slicer, and I thought, I could do that. I had been a customer of that store for many years and I used to buy chunks of salmon and take it home and slice them myself! ‘Cause I’ve always enjoyed slicing salmon. So I applied for the job. I sent the owner an email listing ten credentials, uh, I’ve been one of your best customers; I’m reliable; I’ve always been a fish person.

Josh Gubitz (JG): You actually listed these as credentials?

LB: Yeah, I didn’t really have any lox slicing credentials. But I felt very comfortable with the salmon. And he called me immediately. “What kind of a CPA wants to slice lox?” I’ve been slicing ever since. When I started, one of the things that I loved was my ability to deal with the most difficult customers.

JG: And what makes you want to be nice to those people?

LB: Well, I no longer want to be nice to them.

JG: Ah! (laughter)

LB: This is when I started. Now, I have a hard time controlling myself.

When I’m slicing, I’m slicing. Very often I get lost in the lox. Somebody will say, “Do you hear what I’m saying?” And I would say, “Yes I do, but I’m very involved in slicing your salmon now.”

I would say fish in general is in my blood. And, now that I’m there for a while and I feel my oats, I want my slices to have more style, more character, more panache.

JG: Absolutely, yeah!

LB: But I’m 85 years old, and the other day my wife came to me and she said, “Have you ever thought about how you want to spend the rest of your life?” And I said, “Yeah, I want to spend the rest of my life doing exactly what I’m doing.”

JG: Why mess with a good thing?

LB: Yeah. I’m working toward the perfect slice.

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MG: That’s Len Berk with his friend Joshua Gubitz in New York City. You can read more of his story in our StoryCorps book, Callings.

In these next interviews, we’ll hear from people whose do-overs were not about pursuing dreams. In fact, they were more like escaping bad ones.

First, Jeff Ingram. He has a rare type of amnesia called dissociative fugue. When Jeff has an attack, he loses almost all of his memories, including who he is and where he’s from. And sometimes, he’ll even travel great distances without knowing it. Jeff is married, and his wife, Penny, has been through this with him several times. She brought him to StoryCorps so that they can document their relationship and have a permanent record of how they met.

Penny Ingram (PI): You and I were talking on the phone. You said, “Well, I have a medical condition that I probably should share with you.” And so you told me about when you went missing for nine months. And we both agreed that, if that were to happen again, we could handle that. I said I would be your memory. And eventually, you called my mom and asked if you could have my hand in marriage.

Jeff Ingram (JI): You’ve told me that story several times, and I really wish I could remember that.

PI: The first time you had an amnesia event with me. We woke up that day, said goodbye, and you jumped on the freeway. No one knows what happened from that point forward because you ended up in Denver. I was going crazy, but eventually you got on TV and asked America to help you find out who you are.

Reporter: What’s the last thing you remember before you came to and you realized you were in the middle of Denver?

Jeff Ingram: Just picking myself up off the ground outside of a building downtown Denver.

Reporter: Do you know if you had ever been to Denver before? Do you know if you’re from Denver?

JI: No, I don’t.

Reporter: You remember nothing about your past life?

JI: No, nothing prior to September 10th.

PI: So I ended up calling the Denver Police Department, and that’s when they told you who you were. We talked on the phone. I said, ”Hi, I’m Penny–your fiancée.” You asked, ”Did we have kids? What was your life like?” It was like meeting you again for the first time. And when you came home, I didn’t know what to do, and so I offered to sleep in the spare room considering you didn’t know me. But when you were home for a while, you called my mother again and asked her for my hand in marriage. And my mom was like, I already told you, yes! (laughs) And so we got married on New Year’s Eve.

JI: That’s my biggest regret about having these episodes… is that I forgot that.

PI: We’ll do it again. So you can remember it.

JI: It’s harder for you because you have the memories, and the heartache. I just have nothing.

PI: Yeah, every time you don’t pick up the phone when I call, I panic. I think I’m going to lose you again. Someday if it happens and you come home and you don’t want to be back together, I would have to let you go.

JI: You have no idea how thankful and grateful I am to have you in my life. After my last episode, when I came into the house, I knew I could trust you from the look in your eyes. I knew that that’s where I should be. If I lose my memory again, I will still love you. I will always love you.

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MG: That’s Jeff Ingram with his wife, Penny, in Olympia, WA. During that recording, Jeff left himself a message. A reminder, for the next time that he loses his memory.

JI: If you have another episode and you’re in this position again, trust Penny. Trust her explicitly with everything. You’re meant to be together. You may not believe it in your mind, but you will believe it in your heart.

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MG: The last story in this episode comes from a woman named Dawn Maestas. She’s from Albuquerque, NM, and she’s dedicated herself to helping women who’ve been victims of domestic abuse. We’ll hear how she does that in a few minutes. But first, we’re going to listen to  Dawn’s story – why she feels like she can help – because she’s lived through domestic violence herself. And just a heads up, Dawn’s story is graphic and could be hard to hear.

Dawn Maestas (DM): He was very charming, and then drugs changed everything. At first it was just a lot of cheating, being mentally abusive, and then the physical abuse started to come in. He had a sawed-off shotgun in the top of the closet. So I thought, I’m going to take the shells out just in case. And I thought, Ok, I’ll put them in the hamper, he’ll never check in there.

And so he had come into the house that night, and he was high. He was looking for money, so he had dumped out the hamper and came across the two shells.

I got yanked off the couch and put on all fours. And he has that loaded shotgun to the base of my head with it cocked. And I remember thinking, “he’s as high as a kite, he is going to twitch, and he’s going to blow my head off.” He’s telling me all the reasons that he should kill me. And I keep telling him how much I love him. ”Don’t do this. The kids are only two rooms away, and they’re going to hear the shotgun blast, and they’re going to wake up, and they’re never going to forget that my brains are all over.” And what seemed like forever, which could have only been seconds, he finally put the gun down, drug me to the back room, and beat the hell out of me. And then afterwards I remember him telling me, ”The kids are going to wake up, I’ll go get us breakfast.” As calmly as if nothing had taken place.

Time and time again in some of the most horrific situations when I thought that I was at the point of losing my life, I used to tell God, ”If you let me survive this, when I’m strong enough, I won’t leave anybody else behind, I promise.”

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MG: Dawn has done everything she can to keep that promise. She runs a tattoo removal business and provides her services free to women who’ve been through this little known form of domestic violence. What’s happened to these women is that they’ve had their partners’ names forcibly tattooed on their bodies, as a kind of branding. And Dawn removes those tattoos for free.

You’re going to hear now a conversation at StoryCorps that she had with one of her clients who wanted to remain anonymous.

Anonymous Participant (AP): I was with a guy for five years. He was much older. He was really abusive towards me. After a while when I tried to finally end it, he kidnapped me, held me hostage, and tattooed his name all over my body against my will.

Dawn Maestas (DM): Every time that you had to get dressed and undressed, you would have to look at that tattoo and know where it came from.

AP: Yeah. That’s when I called you.

DM: When you walked in my office, it was déjà vu. I knew the loneliness, the embarrassment, and I was so angry that life had done to you what it had done to me. You know, I myself had a tattoo of my ex’s name. And he’d make constant references to it all the time–that he owned me. This is a person who locks his arms around your legs at night, and you have to ask for permission to use the restroom. So, you know, it’s not just a tattoo. It’s, it’s like being in a car accident– every time you pass that intersection, you remember the impact.

How do you see yourself today versus the very first time you came in my office?

AP: I don’t feel like this prisoner in my body anymore. You just helped me in so many ways. You are my counselor, like, my mom, my big sister – you already know what I’m going through.

DM: I’m extremely honored that you let me be that person. You know, I can be thankful that I walked out with my life, but I’ve lost time that I will never get back. I spent 28 years living in violence. I think if she can do this faster, then she gets to enjoy so much more of her life that I lost. And, I hope you know how much I care for you.

AP: To be honest, I’m just like, “Who am I for her to care about so much? I’m just a nobody.” But you remind me that I am somebody. And I don’t feel alone.

DM: That’s all I could ask for. We’re going to make it. I refuse to let us fall.

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MG: That’s Dawn Maestas in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

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MG: And that’s all for this episode. These stories were produced by Liyna Anwar and Jasmyn Belcher Morris. If you want to find out more about the music we used in this episode, go to our website, StoryCorps dot org.

Don’t forget to rate or review us wherever you download this show. And, if you want to leave a message for somebody you hear on this podcast, you can call us at 301-744-TALK. That’s 301-744-T-A-L-K and leave a voicemail! We’ll forward your message on, and maybe even feature it here on the show.

For the StoryCorps podcast, I’m Michael Garofalo. Until next time, thanks for listening.

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