Max Jungreis: Hey, folks—This is Max Jungreis, from the StoryCorps Podcast. 

Just wanna remind you that you can tell us your personal stories by calling our voicemail at 702 – 706 – TALK. This week, we want to know: Is your life different than you had pictured? Tell us how that came to be… in a voicemail. That’s 702 – 706- T-A-L-K. 

Sean Carter (SC): Hi, my name is Sean Carter.

<MUSIC>

SC: I am a 31-year-old guy. I cannot currently talk and walk. What my life is like now is something I would’ve never dreamed could have happened.

Jasmyn Morris (JM): In 2005… Sean was a college student in Wichita Falls, Texas.

SC: I have no memory of the night that dramatically changed my life forever.

JM: But his mom, Jenny, does remember…

Jenny Carter (JC): I got the phone call in the middle of the night, stumbling outta my bedroom thinking somebody’s got the wrong number. And then I answered the phone, and he said, ‘Do you have a son named Sean Carter?’ And I said, ‘Yes.’

JM: Sean had been in a car crash…. riding with a friend who had been drinking.

He was left with a traumatic brain injury…and Jenny became his full time caregiver. He had to start using a wheelchair. He could laugh and make other small sounds… but as you can hear… he needed a computer to speak. 

It wasn’t the life Sean had planned on. It wasn’t the life Jenny had planned on. It was harder. If they wanted to get through… they were going to need each other.

I’m Jasmyn Morris. It’s the StoryCorps Podcast from NPR. 

<MUSIC OUT> 

JM: Sean and Jenny first came to StoryCorps in 2015… 10 years after the accident.

SC: What were you feeling when you found out I had been in a car wreck?

JC: I was devastated. It was just so hard seeing your child’s lifeless body in a bed for so long. You couldn’t do anything for two years. But I think, you know, we’ve accomplished quite a bit together.

SC: I’m certainly not ready to do everything alone, but I do so much for myself now.

JC: It’s kind of hard living with your mom 24/7 when you’re almost 32 years old.

SC: Hell yeah.

JC: (Laughs) What’s been the hardest moment for you?

SC: I’m not sure I could even choose one particular thing. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke to be left in a body that does not work. 

I dream of running along a beach or riding a bike, or just getting up and walking from my bed to the couch in the living room. I dream of having a good job, falling in love, and actually talking from my mouth to my wife and kids, who are just a dream at this time.

JC: As your mom, Sean, that’s probably one of the hardest things for me is the pain that I have because it hasn’t happened for you. 

If this was to be our last conversation, what would you say to me?

SC: Let me stop you right there. I know you will be here for many years to come, but I want you to know how thankful I am for what you have done for me.

JC: Time’s really the valuable commodity that we have, and if you can share that time with somebody else that’s probably the most important thing you can do for someone. It’s the only thing that matters.

SC: I don’t say this enough. I admire your commitment to be the best damn mom you can be, and you do a damn fine job. I love you beyond the moon and back.

JC: Thank you, son.

<MUSIC> 

JM: That’s Sean and his mom, Jenny, back in 2015.

So… it’s subtle but you might have noticed a couple times Sean’s voice sounded more like a recording. Well, that’s because he has an identical twin….. Todd, who, after the crash…recorded clips of himself saying short phrases and expressions that Sean could use… so he could still sound like himself. Like these…

SC: Adios, Amigo!  

Hell yeah! 

Not just no, but hell no!

JM: I find that so interesting… because I also have an identical twin. And I know what it’s like to share everything from a face and a voice… to an entire childhood. You know that saying “you’re born alone, you die alone?” The idea that life’s a solitary journey? That’s literally not the case for us. 

But Todd and Sean’s lives really diverged that day of the crash…and they’d never really talked about that… until now…

Todd Carter (TC): Sean, do you still use all those sound bites and everything you have me do?

SC: Hell yeah.

TC: You’ve got some pretty terrible ones in there.

SC: Blame it on my brain injury.

TC: (Laughs) I blame it on you.

 What do you remember about our relationship when we were kids?

SC: Honestly,  I don’t have many memories of my childhood. Maybe that’s due to the brain injury I had.

 I don’t think we ever had the twin bond, like movies often portray.  Sometimes you see baby twins in the same outfit. Mom never did that.  She raised us to be our own person. 

TC:  Do you think we were hard to tell apart?

SC: Friends we grew up with knew who we both were, but I was born the better looking, identical twin. 

TC: (Laughs) You’re not better looking.

SC: (Laughs) Hell yeah. (Laughs)

TC: Do you think the crash changed our relationship?

SC: I don’t think it changed much.  I was living alone going to college. You were in the Air Force, living your life, being 22 years old. We were both chasing our own dreams. 

What do you remember about the moment you found out about the crash?

TC: Sadness, worrying, wondering what was gonna be. But had to finish my shift before I could do anything. I got mad and, and started punching the desk in the armory where I was working. I got on a plane and came home to see you.

I don’t know if you even remember, but we didn’t really ever call or talk to each other up until probably a few months before it happened.

SC: I wish I remembered that.

TC: I felt like we were getting to know more about each other as we’re becoming adults. Because as kids, we grew up together, sometimes forced to do everything together, and it was finally on our own terms of just getting to call and talk when we wanted to.

SC: When you found out that I was going to be unable to walk or talk anymore, how did that make you feel?

TC: I was worried. Worried about your future.

SC: Are you worried about the future after mom passes? The things I’ll probably need where I’ll live, stuff like that.

TC: Yeah. I worry about it all the time. 

SC: It makes me feel good knowing you think about it, but I don’t think it should worry you. No one knows the future. Makes life more interesting.

TC: You just say, interesting. (Laughs) Makes me anxious.

SC: Life would be so boring knowing everything that is going to happen.

I am grateful you still recognize me as a person. I understand that life goes on for everyone, but thankfully you didn’t forget about me.

I used to envy what you had, but over time I have also matured. like mom used to say, we are like, but different. 

TC: I am grateful your life was spared, and you’ve done well, and makes me proud to see it.

SC: I love you.

<MUSIC> 

 JM: That’s Sean and Todd Carter…

After the break… Sean and Jenny come back. 

JC:  If I look back for the total 20 years since this happened to you, I see an enormous shift in everything that you are able to do now.

JM: Stay with us…

<BREAK>

<MUSIC STING>

JM: When we first heard from them… Jenny had been Sean’s caregiver for 10 years… but now it’s been 20… and Jenny’s getting older.

So we brought them back to have another conversation… about what the future might hold.

SC: How have things changed since the first recording we did together?

JC: I think your electronic voice has matured. (Laughs)

SC: My manly voice.

JC: Yes. (Laughs)

SC: (Laughs)

JC: Plus, you’ve gotten so much more independent.

SC: I certainly put in the effort lifting weights seven days a week, building back muscles that had atrophied from having to use a power wheelchair. I’ve now been walking with my walker, but I still hope and pray that I’ll be free to walk anywhere without anything to help.

JC: You seem fearless to me, and I don’t know that you seem that way 10 years prior.

SC: Yes. Life just keeps getting better because I have you.

JC: Oh, I’m gonna be crying, Sean.

SC: Is there anything you feel like you’ve missed out on in life because of your focus on me? The time you could not spend with your grandkids?

JC: Yeah, I do regret the time that I haven’t been able to spend with my grandkids.

SC: I feel terrible that your life had to change so much.

JC: I don’t, I don’t really feel like they’re sacrifices, Sean, it’s just the way life is. I don’t want you in a nursing home.

SC: No.

JC: I don’t want your life to be anything less than anybody else’s life, so don’t ever feel like you are holding me from doing anything.

SC: I feel hopeful at times. While I am making baby steps, little by little, to be able to take care of myself. Who knows when that will finally happen, or if it is even on this side of heaven.

JC: You know, I used to think, Sean, that you were gonna be a model or an attorney.

SC: Attorney was preferred.

JC: (Laughs) Yeah, attorney was preferred. But you’d have a big estate. Guess I’d live in the carriage house behind your house. And I was gonna ride a riding lawnmower in my flip flops, smoking a cigarette. (Laughs) Why I had that dream about you, I don’t know. But one way or another, I guess we were gonna be together. 

SC: (Laughs)

JC: So life has been good. (Laughs)

What do you think about when you think about the future?

SC: The future is scary, thinking about my future when you are gone, but I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I get there. So you just live forever, and I’ll be good.

JC: I worry about that every day. I try to put it in this bucket over here, this can of hold-my-worries for me, but it always slips out. 

You know, Sean, I used to always pray that I would live one second longer than you. And I know that you’re gonna outlive me, and so I just pray that you have a good and happy life, son.

SC: I don’t have any idea what life will look like when you pass, but I will figure it out, and I will be ok. I feel like we are living the best life we can with the cards we were given.

JC: And I can agree with that.

SC: I love you.

JC: I love you too. 

<MUSIC> 

JM: Sean and Jenny have a nonprofit where they travel the country together, sharing their story… in the hopes of preventing drunk driving… and making people aware of what it’s like to live with a traumatic brain injury. It’s called When Sean Speaks.

That’s all for this episode of the StoryCorps Podcast. 

 

We’d love to hear from you… and our voicemail line is always open. This week we’re wondering: Is your life different than you had pictured it? Tell us how that came to be… Leave us your answer in a voicemail at 702-706-TALK. That’s 702-706 T-A-L-K. 

 

This episode was produced by Max Jungreis and myself. It was edited by Amy Drozdowska. Special thanks to Von Diaz, and facilitators Adriana Gallardo and Emily Janssen. 

Max Jungreis is our Producer. Our Senior Producer is Jud Esty-Kendall. Amy Drozdowska is our Executive Producer. Our Technical Director is Jarrett Floyd. The artwork for our podcast is created by Liz McCarty. 

I’m Jasmyn Morris. Thanks for listening…