Doug Neville (DN) and Ryan Johnson (RJ)
DN: I never really had a lot of friends through grade school, high school, college even. I was frequently bullied. And so I always thought, “What’s wrong with me?” And when we first started hanging out I remember thinking I, you know, wanted to be your friend. And, I knew how to get a man into bed, but I didn’t know how to ask for a friendship.
RJ: Why would you want to be a friend to me?
DN: Right. Exactly. What do I have to offer?
RJ: How close to dying did you get?
DN: I knew I was sick, but it wasn’t until I went to see my doctor, and he said, ‘Have you talked to your mother?’ That’s when it hit me that it was that bad.
RJ:There was a point where you–you’d stopped planning ahead. Hadn’t you?
DN: Oh yeah. I, I really assumed that it was only a matter of time. And so I didn’t live with any future in mind. I remember my fortieth birthday and I’m thinking, “I hit forty.” To me it was a monumental accomplishment.
RJ: I don’t know if you remember this but I was bitching about something and how I hated getting older, and you just very quietly said, “You know, I would give anything to live to 50.”
DN: Yeah.
RJ: It made me realize I didn’t know what I was going to if you died. I mean I’d seen lots of guys around me go, and these were people I knew and were close to, but they weren’t my brother I guess.
DN: Mmm-hmm.
RJ: So I celebrate the fact that you’re alive.