Tony Perri and his grandson Jeffrey Perri

Tony Perri and his grandson Jeffrey Perri

Interview transcript

RP: I remember when I was about 17, I went to confession — told a priest that I thought there was something a little different in me, that I was attracted to men. And the only advice he gave me was, “be careful who you tell that to, son.” So I didn’t tell anybody for another 17 years. And the next person I told after that priest was your grandmother.

JP: Mm-hmm.

RP: I could not in all good conscious stay in the marriage. It wasn’t fair to grandma; it wasn’t fair to the children; it wasn’t fair to me. And one thing your grandmother had asked me to do when we separated was, “please, never tell the children.”

But there reached a period of time that I had to really sit down with each of the kids and just say the word “gay. I am gay.”

But coming out to you was probably the most proudest moment I’ve ever had. You were 9 years old, and uncle John and I had just split up, and you came to visit me. You had asked, “where did Uncle John sleep?”

So I was very honest with you and said, you know, “Uncle John and I shared a room.”

I remember you asking me, “does Grandma Shirley know you’re gay?”

And then you asked me, “does my father know you’re gay? Does my mother know you’re gay?”

And I didn’t lie to you, and that’s what I’ve strived for all my life, just to live honestly. And many years I did not. Even though I loved Grandma Shirley very much, and I loved being a father, I just felt I was not living an honest life.

JP: You know, I like to tell people that you paved the way for me. But when I came out of the closet, the first person to know wasn’t you, Papa. I was I think afraid of, you know, what you would think — would you be afraid for me.

RP: Very real — I had all those — when you did.

JP: Yeah, so I didn’t tell you right away. But I’m so lucky to have you in my life. You are my role model. And it’s a privilege to have you as a grandpa. I love you.

RP: Thank you. I love you, too.