Ed Miller talks with his son EJ about the lessons he learned and the advice he received from his own “Pop,” and offers EJ some of his own advice about becoming a father and raising children.
Originally aired January 23, 2009, on NPR’s Morning Edition.
Ed Miller (EM) and EJ Miller (EJM)
EM: He was a short-order cook at a, a local restaurant. And I would go on Saturday mornings. My father would open the store up at six-o-clock. I’d have an apron that was six times too big with me. And I would fill the sugar jars and fill the salt shakers and things like that. And in a busy place, he could take orders from the waitress and ninety-nine percent of the time get the orders right, and never lose his cool. You know, I, I thought it was pretty amazing.
EJM: What kind of a dad was pop?
EM: You know, my mom ruled the roost, you know. She was the disciplinarian, but pop was the play guy. He’d come and play stick ball with us until he’d throw his back out. Then, you know, his back would heal and he’d be reaching for a bat, and the whole neighborhood would be running, ’No, no! Don’t let him swing the bat…’
EJM: Sounds like somebody I know. What do you think you, you learned from him?
EM: Pop would give me advice that at the time I probably thought was corny. You know, he would say, ’Do a good job and work hard, and you’ll get noticed.’ And, not necessarily to get noticed, but because it was the right thing to do. And, the most important thing I learned from pop, was to be gentle. Not a gentleman, just gentle, you know.
EJM: I mean, that’s something I’ve gotten from you too. Um, how did it feel when you found out you were going to be a father?
EM: You know, knowing that you’re going to become a father is not as big a deal as actually becoming a father. If I had advice for people now who are young having babies is try to remember every single minute of that time, you know, when your son, or your daughter, thinks that daddy is the greatest thing in the world. When you walk in the door, and you know, the sun is shining because daddy walks in. We go to the mall nowadays, me and mom, and I see dads walking with their sons or daughters, holding their hands, and I tell you, my heart aches for the days when I used to do that. It’s heart-aching sometimes. You know, i don’t know how I got so lucky. I did a lot of good things in my life. I did a lot of things that … not so good. And I’m blessed with a woman that I’m still in love with and you three guys.
EJM: There’s no doubt about it, you, you are my hero. You’re, you’re, um, what I think of as a good man. You know, I thank you and mom for just being such great examples.
EM: That’s pretty cool J.
EJM: I love you.
EM: I love you too, man.
When Deborah Wei and her family moved to the Philadelphia suburbs in the 1960’s, they were the only Asian family in their neighborhood. Deborah remembers how her mother made their new surroundings feel like home.
