But We’ll Fail, Too
Kian Goh (L) and her girlfriend and life partner Tamiko Beyer (R) visited StoryCorps’s Brooklyn office for a National Day of Listening community recording day in November 2010. Tamiko, a writer, wanted to record Kian’s impressions of her happiest moments and reflections on their relationship.
The two met years ago at a Queer Women of Asian Descent meeting, where Kian spotted Tamiko from across the room and made it a point to talk to her. Kian attended in order to connect with queer Asian people in New York City, and they laughed when Tamiko blushingly admitted that she attended in order to meet girls.
Kian’s happiest moments surrounded their falling in love: early intimate exchanges together; her first meeting with Tamiko’s accepting parents and family; and her wonder at Tamiko’s care. Another was when Tamiko’s opinion about having children changed, and they decided to one day have a child together. “I think you’ll be a really amazing mom,” Kian said. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather do it with.”
“I was never with anyone that I wanted to be a parent with,” Tamiko replied. “But we’re probably also going to fail, too,” she exclaimed as they laughed together. They shared some of their fears, including the likelihood that their child would be teased or bullied for having queer parents.
“We have to be as open as possible,” Kian suggested. “But we also don’t want to be overbearing! Our child might think, ‘oh my God, not only are you queer but you’re going to be in my friends’ faces all the time?!’” Their laughter, sincere and loving, again echoed throughout the room.